Did you really just say that?

Lately, I have been surprised at how freely strangers are sharing their opinions of me (or my loved ones) and asking direct questions that seem so personal. I was shopping the other day and had an older cashier. She was at least 20 years older than me (I am 40 something). As she started packing the groceries, I asked her not to pack them so full and added that I had a hard time lifting them if they were too heavy. She stopped what she was doing, looked at me, and said, "Huh, I can lift more than that!" My first response was, "Well, good for you!" and I smiled. As she finished scanning my items and I was paying, she kept looking at me. I said thank you and started to leave. As she began ringing up the man in line behind me, I heard her comment, "Well, that was weird." and the man agreed. I looked back and they were both staring at me. At this same store earlier in the month, I had another cashier get annoyed at my request to not pack the bags too full. She kept watching me as I struggled to load the groceries into my cart and was visibly limping. She asked, "What's wrong (emphasis was placed on that word) with you?" Unfortunately, in a small town, my choices are few and it happens in other stores as well. What, am I supposed to wear a sign or something? What happened to just general compassion?

My sister broke her leg this past winter and I took her to one of her doctor appointments. She was using a walker and we were trying to find a ramp outside so she could easily get inside. A man, who was leaving, went out of his way to let me know that the handicapped parking was at the other end and I should have parked there. The parking lot was almost full and I parked as close as I could. Since I don't have a handicapped tag, I am not permitted to park in that zone, but he kept persisting. Why? I have no idea. Then, inside, another patient kept hounding my sister with many questions about how she broke her leg, was it at work, how long ago and many other questions. It is nice to show concern, but this woman went on like she was going to write a book. It was awkward and weird.

My teenage daughter has postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). It is a malfunction of the autonomic nervous system (the system that automatically controls heart rate and blood pressure). Sometimes her heart rate and BP just rise or drop suddenly and she gets very dizzy or nauseous. She is in high school so, naturally, I made sure that it is on her records & have spoken with the school nurse about it. The school nurse doesn't seem too concerned though. Earlier this year, she had a sudden and severe rise in her heart rate and BP. My daughter called me and told me that she didn't feel well. I told her to go right to the nurse and have her call me. The nurse told me she was fine. How did she know this? Because, she looked fine. I asked her to take her BP. She didn't think it was necessary. Why? Because, she looked fine. As a mom, I went full-on Bear Mode. I told her to do it anyway. The nurse took her BP and nearly had a fit. "Oh, I am sorry" she says. "Yes, it is very high. You should take her to the ER" she says. I am already in my car, because I knew it was a problem. My daughter had another episode the other day. I told her to go to the nurse and I would call and let them know that I was coming to get her. The nurse was with other adults and just dismissed her. My daughter explained that she didn't feel well and that I was coming to get her. One of the other adults was quick to say, "You don't look sick". The school insisted that I get a doctor's note excusing her from school. Of course, her doctor wrote a note and was very concerned by their lack of understanding and knowledge on the subject. I brought the note and some literature on her syndrome to the nurse and she acted like it was the first time she had ever heard that my daughter had this. Sighhh. She had forgotten the entire episode just a few months ago. I went through everything again, she checked her records & bingo! Sure enough, it was on there! But, her attitude still seemed to be "she doesn't look sick". I know that she has a lot of students to care for and many might just be trying to go home but it shocked and really disappointed me that she wouldn't have remembered something like that.

It really blows my mind that so many people seem to lack compassion or aren't even willing to try to understand others before they jump to conclusions. Most likely, everyone we know is either suffering from some ailment themselves or know someone who is. I wonder if the people who are easily annoyed, amused, or confused about why some people act sick but don't look sick would feel if they (or their loved ones) were on the receiving end of their own comments, inquiries, stares, or dismissal. We shouldn't need to wear signs that spell out what's wrong with us. If only people were a little more open to the fact that invisible illnesses are invisible and anyone can be sick without looking sick, it sure would be nice!